10 Things to Know About Buying Wine in Restaurants

Every average guy in the world has been in this situation:

You're out for a date/business dinner/etc. at a restaurant that is far nicer than you usually bother with. As a guy, genetically inclined to like meat, sports, sex, and beer, you are not predisposed to navigating a restaurant wine list. You default to something you recognize. Bad move, but you never find out because either a) you don't get another shot at it, or b) they're too nice to tell you.

Beer Guy, this is for you. Murphy's Law of restaurants says that the guy doing the entertaining is probably a rung down on the cultural ladder from the person being entertained. If you're a beer drinker, she loves Champagne. If you dally in wine, your client is a collector. If you've got a decent cellar, that new associate you're trying to hire grew up in Napa and was a sommelier in Vegas before deciding to go to law school. Them's the breaks.

There is one, and only one, solution to this problem that does not involve giving up your career and hobbies to devote yourself full time to the esoteric world of wine. Use the resources of the restaurant to your advantage.

1) Pick the right place. Use a service like OpenTable.com when making your reservation, or check the website. It should say something about their wine program, and a restaurant that takes its wine seriously probably takes everything else pretty seriously, too. If you get a good vibe from that, then you're off to the right start.

2) Don't try to look like you know anything unless you really are sure that you do (in which case you probably don't need to read this). Defer to someone who knows more. Don't think of this like an admission of failure. Think of it as delegation of authority.

3) Conversely, don't try to look like a good ol' boy. Nothing says "low-class ass" like ordering a cheap beer at a fine-dining restaurant. If they have a high-end beer selection that might be okay, but it's best to drink wine. This won't just reflect with your date or client. It will reflect with your service. Because your waiter will assume you don't dine out often, they'll put you at the back of the line for everything.

4) Accommodate your dinner guests. first. Ask them what they like. Keep your questions vague to reserve yourself (and the professionals helping you) a good deal of leeway. Red or white? Full-bodied or light? New World or Old? Stick to the questions you understand the answers to. Don't ask about oaked versus unoaked wines if you aren't able to taste the difference yourself.

5) How do you know what you like if you don't know what you like? Simple. If you're a beer guy, then this is easy. If you don't care what kind of beer you drink, then you probably don't care on the wine front either. Just remember that wine is more alcoholic than beer. If you usually drink Miller Lite, then it's anywhere from 3 to 5 times more alcoholic than beer. Pace yourself. If you like Guinness or other stouts, then you probably like full-bodied, red wines. If you like Stella Artois, then you're probably going to like light-bodied reds and crisp whites. If you like Chimay, Blue Moon, or Hefeweizen then you will probably like richer white wines like Chardonnay or dry Riesling. If you like Pete's Wicked Strawberry Blonde or Killian's Irish Red, then you're almost certainly a white wine drinker, and you might lean towards off-dry Rieslings. Don't use the word "sweet" unless you mean sticky-sweet. In wine jargon "sweet" means "sweeter than dessert," and "off-dry" or "fruity" is what you probably think of as "sweet."


6) Talk about price without mentioning price. Look at the wine list. Find a wine that is in the price point you want. Say: "I've had the [name of wine] before. I'd like to try something different, but in the same range, not necessarily similar." Then tell them whatever information you know about what you or your date/client/etc. want. Generally you should pick a wine of the same basic type (red or white) as what you're looking for to avoid confusion, but if the wine steward isn't completely dense, he should pick up on what you're saying.

7) You're going to pay more. Restaurants traditionally have a "triple markup" on wine. This varies a bit because ultra-high-end wines cost too much to mark up that way, and cheap wines often can be marked up more without offense, but the middle of the pack usually comes in around three times wholesale. Liquor stores, on the other hand, usually mark up everything at 1.5 times cost. At a restaurant you're paying for those $30 a piece Ridel wine glasses, the cost of paying a knowledgeable staff, the service, and the restaurant itself. Most high-end joints couldn't stay open if it weren't for the money made on wine and liquor sales.

8) Corkage is fine, if you know what you're doing. People bring their own wine into fine dining establishments all the time. It's cool at most (but not all) places, but know what you're in for. You will pay a corkage fee. It might be $15 and it might be $100. When my friend was the sommelier at Citronelle in Washington, D.C. the BYOB folks were told that "We don't do corkage." They didn't have to because their cellar is spectacular, but if you walked in with a 1945 Cheval Blanc, you could bet your ass that they'd bring the glasses at no fee (at which point you were obligated to leave a glass for them). What's absolutely not cool is bringing a bottle of something you grabbed at the liquor store 30 minutes before dinner to avoid paying full price. This is especially tacky if the wine is actually on their list. There's a lovely bistro in town where I frequently bring my own wine that I do grab right before heading into dinner. I drink lots of Burgundy, and they don't carry much if any. I always bring nice wine, and I offer a glass to the owner who usually sits with us to enjoy it. Oh, and I tip like I bought the wine there.

9) Oprah was f*%@#^! wrong. Tip on your wine.

10) Don't try to be a snot about it. Even wine snobs don't like wine snobs.