And We're Back!

It's been a long few weeks since my last post, but the world of Southern style has not stopped. It's been flip-flop and campaign weather. Seersucker suits and any possible excuse to ditch the jacket and tie prevail, and it shall continue this way until September. It's been election season, and since I'm heavily involved in politics, I've been at quite a few fund raisers in the last few weeks. Hanging around the literati of Memphis, I've noticed a huge trend toward bright, paisley ties, and I must say that I like it. It's been back in on the East Coast for a year or more, but paisley's long and checkered history has been refined into something even more dandy-ish than ever. Pinks, pale blues, and gold are this year's shades. So, I think a brief guide to pulling off a paisley tie is in order:

1) Don't be too much of a dandy, Dandy.

A paisley tie is about as flamboyant as you can get without lighter fluid and lubricant. Don't wear it with anything else over the top. A solid color or pin-stripe (not chalk stripe) jacket and a solid color shirt is the way to go.

2) It's all anyone is looking at.

Something as bright as a flashy paisley tie is going to draw a lot of attention. It'll be a conversation piece. Wearing a tie like this will demonstrate to you how women feel when you stare at their breasts during a conversation. "Hey, I'm up here, asshole." Just accept the fact that you can't take yourself to seriously while wearing a bright pink, paisley tie, because no one else does.

3) Yes, it makes you look gay, especially when you...

That idea you had about getting a matching pocket square for your paisley tie. It's brilliant. Just expect to find yourself discussing Oscar Wilde and why you dress like him. It's a beautiful look, but when you change the paisley from a showpiece of absurd elegance to an accent on your entire wardrobe, you aren't just showing a little flair, you're looking for a date. The same goes for involving flashy shoes, a shirt of the same base color as the tie, a linen suit, or eyeliner. Put all of that together, and you're Truman Capote.

4) The Knot

Wear it with a four-in-hand or some variant. A double Windsor looks too serious for a tie that's meant to be a bit silly.

5) The Attitude

All of the above points are intended to remind you that this tie is ridiculous. Paisley is not a serious pattern. It's evocative of LSD and sexual license, but it can be lots of fun. I wouldn't wear it to impress a jury, but a room full of single women (or men) might just eat it up.