What Not To Wear: Trendy Nonsense

The NYT Style Section reviewed Topshop and Topman today. Let's be clear. I like clothes that break molds. I like people who are more interested in how colors and lines actaully work on their own bodies, not in some yuppie's idea of fashion. After all, "fashion" is responsible for the heavily pleated pants and shoulderpads of the 80's. Topshop is just more "fashion" sans style.

Topshop's formula is simple and a good idea on its face. Hire a staff of extremely stylish, fashion forward youngsters. Make them "personal shoppers." Give the personal shopper service with clothes priced like a Banana Republic. Require appointments to keep the store uncrowded and build hype. Sell clothes.

The problem is the obsession with trends. Topshop/Topman declares a "trend" on their website as though they were some hybrid of Winston Churchill and Giorgio Armani.

Following this poor advice will make you look like the orphaned, fopish offspring of Oscar Wilde and Bosie. This is pseudo-astheticism at its worst, the idea that teal cardigans can be cool if only everyone is wearing them and putting them together with skinny pants and Buddy Holly glasses. There is, of course, the insistence that everyone "wears it differently," which is a lie. People notice if two guys wear pink on the same day. Don't think that there's room for more than one polka-dotted dandy in any bar, even any gay bar.

This is the death-knell for hipsterism. Nerd-chic has finally overtaken the mainstream to the degree that the new cool is becoming the old cool. Buy an f-ing made-to-measure shirt and fold your pocket square into an actual square. Then punch the next guy who tries to sell you a teal cardigan.